im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
