We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
