One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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