I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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