Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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