I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
