I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Randomize
