between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have fence marks all over my body
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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