I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
