is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
