upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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