I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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