Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
