I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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