he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
