i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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