the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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