I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
