i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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