Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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