Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
