i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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