Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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