genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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