are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
