i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
