i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
