I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
