Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
