i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
