he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
