You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
