I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
