I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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