if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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