My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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