What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize