If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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