So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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