MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
