I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
