you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need moral support for this bender
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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