omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
