playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
As shirtless as possible
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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