I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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