Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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