If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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