At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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