I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
