Got a toothbrush?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
