he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
