i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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