Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
