Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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