Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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