wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
do herpes really smell.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
