I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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