I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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