And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
