Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The air taste purple.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
