Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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