I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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