Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
