whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
