how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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