My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish they made helmets for livers.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
