the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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