highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
