she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
