She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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