I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
