i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
