It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
