if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
