sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
